who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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