I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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