The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
