This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
