don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
