A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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