ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
