Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
