do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
