Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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