I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
