it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
