I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize