Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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