we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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