she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That accounts for only three of the penises
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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