Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
