Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
