Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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