Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
