it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
