do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
