I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
