when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
