Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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