i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
