they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sex in a hospital.. check
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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