She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
