so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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