I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
