I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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