It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
