dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
