If that was your dad, he is hot
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
