Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
