I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
