I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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