Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize