Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
