Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
