Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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