I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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