I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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