another moral hangover. fuck.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
