He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
