Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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