You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
