I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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