Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
