Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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