Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
