yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
