my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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