I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
