I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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