walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize