I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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