I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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