Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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