your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
