The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
