I cannot find my penis.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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