the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
