I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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