that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
