I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
