in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
