Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
